Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I've been thinking

It's been a while...I've been thinking. I've been thinking about what my life consists of. I just reconnected with an old friend. I haven't talked to him in 10 years. He says to me, "what have you been up to?" What have I been up to? I want to say nothing out of pure reaction. It's like asking an 16 year old, "what did you learn in school today?" "Oh nothing?"

But I don't. I told him what I've accomplished in the last 10 years. Not what's note worthy, just what is probably on my resume. I went to college. I got a business degree. I moved to Little Rock to help a friend open a marking firm. I lived in Milwaukee for a year, and then Chicago for two. I just got back to sunny central Florida. I've been working in sale for forever but for the last three years it's been education sales. Also, in December I'll be done with my MBA.

But what I should have said was that I tried to get into film school and failed. But I was still passionate about film. I've work both the Florida Film Festival and the Milwaukee Film Fest for over 7 years now. I've dedicated myself to the arts  no matter what city I've lived in. I've fallin' in and out of love. I've followed passion through states and snow. I've made love and felt loved and hurt love. I've been a successful business woman who's worn suits to work and I've been a poor server who had to wash the one shirt she had over and over each day she worked. I've met people who have write their names on my heart and I will never forget them. I've met gypsies who have tried to steal my soul. And the boys, oh the boys. There have been a few. They have been a motley crew. They have been teachers and students. Their tales have been boring and lovely. I have seen sorrow in their lives and happiness in their actions. I have been the mother, the maid, the suitor, the seductress, the friend and the foe. I've stole passion that was not mine to have. I've loved the unworthy. I have fought to be right. I have worked overtime. I have slacked at my desk. I have passionately changed lives. I have moved back home.

It may not be an ideal life but it is my life and mine alone. There were pleasures and happiness-es not told, and fits of crying and disappointment not shared. But that is my life. Wicked and vibrant  it is all mine. Come one, come all. Let's see what kind of magnets we are. Are we going to attract or push each other away?


  1. I think I'm beginning to realize that our lives are sculpted out of our failures rather than successes. Success is something to be enjoyed once the sculpture can stand on its own.

  2. wow sam! this gave me TOTAL goosebumps. very raw. love it!

  3. awesome way to put it all.. i wish i could write something so brutaly honest about life and its adventures!! keep your head up and continue to do you ;) we only get one shot at life so enjoy every minute of it!!!