Saturday, January 30, 2010

And there he was...

I would like to say it's foggy to me now, but it's not. It starts out like a haze, swirling around something you can't really see. But something inside you says look closer. Something as strong as your will to breathe. It says move closer. It says look harder. Part of your mind is enjoying the haziness. I'll just dance around like a princess and confuse my self-conscientious. But like any fair battle the fairytale princess always lose to reality. Before I know what's happening I sense him right here. I'm there. I can smell his scent before I can see his face. And now it's like an addiction. Like a magnetism I didn't know I possessed. I reach out for his arms and pull forward. My chest hit's his and I slump into it. I see that the haze is still around us. I'm not sure if I want to pull away and run or grab him tighter and never let go. My mouth finds the perfect spot on his neck. I can feel his pulse on my lips as I kiss him. Run away and let go my mind thinks. There are no clouds out there. There is no haze over you. There is no control. If you walk away you chose your own path. If you stay you will weaken. You will give in to him. You already see it. Your hands are tracing his arms and shoulders. Your stance is closer to him. Your body can literally feel his body heat. The heat seams to energize the magnetism between you. Your hand drop down his back from lack of strength. You start thinking to yourself, "I've got this. I'm more powerful then this. I have him under my control." What control? He leans down to kiss me and my arms swing around his neck as if they understand each step of this dance I have no control over. I again sink in closer. I can't deny that his kiss is amazing. Its warm and filling. I step back and look at him. This is the first time I can bring my eyes to his eyes. I don't know what I expect to happen. It's not like he can burn me with his retinas. I'm so confused. I'm so confused. I want to scream at him. What are you doing with me? What are you doing to me? I'm in charge. Why are you just standing there looking at me? What is going on? Hello? My hand waves before his face. I'm trying to talk and nothing comes out. It's like a movie with no sound. And suddenly I lose my footing. I stand up again. The haze has thickened. I've lost my boy. I've lost the light. I've lost part of myself. I wake up. Like I said the fairytale princess always loses to reality. My reality is that he's there and I'm here.

1 comment:

  1. WOW!!!! I just read from start to here... It's like reading a book that you just can't put down~
    The most interesting part is that you are both lost and found at the same time.... Well see what March brings. Keep the strength and the will power to stick out the 6 months. I'll see you soon.